allthatjazzley.

i’ve always believed in making sacrifices to reach a level of physical fit, and therefore avoid complaining.

but today, i’ve thought to myself,

“maybe i am pushing myself too hard.”

what a bizarre thought. as a dancer, i’m used to a certain level of soreness, bruises, blisters, callouses, etc. a friend of mine even commented on my hectic schedule, saying that i contained a great deal of stamina. i never thought about it that way. i’ve always thought of it as, you’ll never know your full potential unless you push yourself.

and this goes back to,

what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

please go away. i’d like to sleep well for once.

but then again,

i’d take this injury instead of an emotional wound any day.

it’s funny that ballet isn’t natural to the body, when it looks so effortless.

dance in general, isn’t natural to the body. to move and use gesture to express one’s self can be considered natural, but to make be able to use the body as form of artwork is easier said then done.

though i’ve known this for a while, it’s funny to think back onto the simple truths. Not all dancers are born with arched feet, or natural turn out-but once it becomes habit and is worked into our bodies, it sticks. so in that sense, it does become natural. it’s all a process.

i came back to these thinkings when i hurt my back on tuesday night. there is a difference between injury and hurt, so i am in between. i treat it as if i’m sore, but this level of pain isn’t usual. but it’s not something i can’t live with either. it’s a very awkward state to be in. but, manageable. dancers arent given enough credit to the physical bearings we undertake. 

i want to fall into a deep sleep, and  leave all my worries, troubles and priorities behind.

blakee dayy. whooo.!

i’m so tired.

he picked me up around 1.30 and we headed to marine del ray. we talked the whole way, i always enjoy his company. then we got mc donalds, and went to kyle’s place. we talked, and decided we would smuggle kyle into the getty villa.

i called shotgun and we were off. it was fun, talking and driving by the ocean. we missed the entrance to the villa the first time, so kyle took that time to get into the trunk. we smuggled him in successfully, without any issues. we spent about 2 hours at the getty, looking around and discussing what we saw.

afterwards, we drove to hollywood. we walked around the normal streets, going into a couple shops here and there. we joked around, laughed and took in the sights of hollywood. we later settled down at a crepe shop, that wasn’t very good. we went back to a pretzel shop we had stopped by earlier, so kyle could flirt with the cashier. we had an on going conversation about his shyness and small talk. we walked around a little bit more, got free pringles, went into a couple more shops, then headed home. it was all in all, a fun, satisfying day.

i’m just so tired. but i’m quite content. i came home and took an epsom salt bath, i’m much more relaxed now. just some homework and talking to people. good day.!