allthatjazzley.

i went into rehearsal thinking, ‘eh, nearly 4 hours, won’t be that bad.’

oh, how i was wrong. i got into my new russian pointes and pain began. we ran snow first, and she had fixed the music so i have about 18-19 counts to appear in the center as first snowflake. the beginning and first runs went well; then we added new choreography. we got to about 5 minutes, and around 30 seconds-two recital dances learned in to hours. it was tough, i couldn’t work through my box properly, the platform was tiny so i couldnt’ tell if i was completely over and the elastic was too stretchy. i have work to do.

by flowers, i had crushed my box a couple times, bent the shank and hit the box on the floor. the sound was huge and echoed in the studio. joy. that’s what i’m standing on. by halfway flowers, i stripped off my shoes and changed into flats. i was the fourth out of the five of us to surrender to new shoes, blisters or dying toenails. whoo. by the end, even dew drop fairy had changed out. we got thirty seconds into this dance. it’s tougher because there are three parts: pointe girls, flat girls and the dew drop fairy. consequently, there are three parts to the choreo that are separated, mixed variously, then all together. it’s complicated. by the end of this rehearsal, i was getting dizzy- i hadn’t eaten enough. but i pushed through, and by the end, the choreo had gotten easier.

now, off to annotate music and finish homework!

afterschool today, i went to the capezio’s down by topanga to get a new pair of pointe shoes.

unfortunatley, they didn’t carry bloch sonatas, but i did try on several pairs of grishkos, ultimates and some capezios. i ended up getting russian pointes, the last shoe i thought i get.

turns out, russian pointes are gorgeous.

they are hand made in russia, and have beautifully tapered boxes. the shank is probably the hardest, among basic name brands. the box is wide, but still comes to a narrower, smaller platform. there’s also a nice v-vamp that i’ve always wanted, and i love it. i’m glad my ouch pouches go along this line to, it’s very neat and clean. it’s a pretty shade of pink, paler then most brands. i was lucky enough to buy a pair that already had its elastics and ribbons sewed on. i did make some alterations to the elastics when i got home, they were a little too wide. by the elastics are cottony and stretchy, i like them. the ribbons are mosre see through, but there is a good amount-no more uneven ribbon tying! i have to remember to burn the edges so they don’t fray. an odd thing about russians though, is that there are no drawstings. it’s not as tapered to my foot as it could be, but i can fix it with a couple minor stitches. the only downside to russians is that they were $87.50. ouch! i think these will be my only pair of russians, unless they last a full year. if not, going back to good old bloch aspirations! or maybe, i’ll finally try sonatas.

russian pointe shoes are gorgeous.

so, dancing on pointe with 3 blisters and a cracked toenail is definitely not the funnest thing in the world.

flowers is much slower, and more focused on port de bras. it’s very flowery, flowy and more focused on upper body presentation. it’s fun, but i personally prefer snow’s leaps and movement. we got through some flowers today, not as much of snow. there are going to be 4 girls on flat, 4 girls on pointe-but one of the girls dropped out of the show today. so, we practiced with three, it was a little uneven. there’s another girl who’s going to be called in already, so it’s not as behind as it could be. rehearsal was difficult and awkward, kelly forgot the music. rehearsal was in general, just slower. the girls on flat weren’t able to catch the choreography as quickly, especially with timing, without the music. i’m hoping for a better flowers rehearsal next week. 

but we did do one run through of snow, which was fun. i’m quite sure snow will be my favorite.  

my feet are sore, but my toes hurt the most.the three blisters aren’t bothering me as much as the cracked toenail on my big toe. i’m going to capezio’s tomorrow, to get new shoes. i’m thinking about trying grishkos, or maybe bloch sonatas. i asked kelly what she thought, and she likes my bloch aspirations now. she says they look good, and as if they are supporting me. bloch aspirations are pretty good, and basic. they’re only $34.50, compared to $60-$80 most shoes range. it’s nearly half of a normal pair, but i break them quickly-and when they do break, it’s hell.if i don’t get new shoes before the next rehearsal, with is 4 hours, i’ll try rehardening the shank with wood glue. but i’m sure i’ll be able to get new shoes, but there’s always a backup plan. i’m going to ask for the large ouch pouches for chirstmas, because there ouch pouch jr.s are getting too small and don’t provide as much comfort as i’d like. i tried dancing with the half gel, half sock toe pads that nikki and andrielle use-but i don’t like them. their too soft, and don’t provide as much coverage as ouch pouches. jenny has prima soft’s i think, and she likes them. her’s are more cotton and gel. i might try them tomorrow, but toe pads on average cost $20 a pair. so new toe pads, are definitely on my christmas list.

rehearsal was really fun. we covered a lot of material of the dance, though it is quite long.

the music is very fun and flurry, the choreography has a lot of jumps, leaps, and running around. i start off the whole number, on the first count. i’ll be the first girl on pointe in the whole show, since it’s the end of act one, right before intermission. the feel of thepiece is supposed to be very light and fluffy, to leave the audience in a good mood. the practice went better then i thought, it was acutally a lot of fun. i had a good time, and it’s whipping my derriere back into shape!

two hour rehearsal realy wasn’t that bad, but my shoes are dead so my feet hurt. i have two new blisters and blood on my pointe shoes. fun. but it was definatley worth it.

dancersaretheathletesofgod:

the results came today.

i got casted as chinese, snow and flowers.

i can’t say i’m happy about it. i expected snow and flowers, because everyone gets casted as snow and flowers. but i really wanted spanish. really wanted it. but no, chinese.

first off, that’s a little racist. the girl i’m dancing with is asian too. big surprise.

i thought i acutally had a chance of getting spanish, and even maybe clarra.

but, no.

and i think i knew it too, but kept hoping.

my technique and strength were off, definatley. i hadn’t danced in a week. and i had my injury, along with the fact that my pointe shoes were dead. my focus was off a little, i hadn’t cleared my mind, or was thinking while i was dancing-as i usually was. i expected myself to be able to come back to dance in a snap, everything would be aligned. but, no. and i should’ve known that and done soemthing about it. but i didn’t. i was dumb.

but i did try, i really did.

but i’m not. sure, i’d like to sleep, but it’s not necessary.

i really miss dance. i miss being in my dance clothes, seeing the girls in my classes, my teachers, hearing that music play and stretching at first; then progressing into movement.

on the upside, my back is a lot better. but it’s been a week, and i can already tell i’m gaining weight. which is fine i suppose, except the fact it’s not muscle. i should start working out again, but i told myself i’d give a week completely off. maybe next early tuesday i can go on a nice, long bike ride since my dad fixed that one wheel.

i realize though, that my life is pretty good. my family is a lot better then it used to be, and is more enjoyable. church is also better, i love my youth group; icf rebels. it’s so nice to have a second family of people who truly care, and are sympathetic. i look forward to friday nights to come to a place where all of us are own persons, but we each make an effort to put it away and simply support each other. there are no fake facades allowed, and if there are, we still see each other for we know ourselves to be. i feel so blessed and am grateful for all those whom i love and care for.

schoolwork itself isn’t difficult, but challenging enough that it won’t bore me to death. well, core that is. school is school, just a bunch of adolescent teenagers who are all fighting their own battles, struggling. i’m included in that, i admit, i take no shame in my age. friends are friends, they come in so many different shapes, sizes, forms. every person is truly unique and personality diverse, which is expected. in the end, i believe it’s most important to be honest with yourself.

dance, i’ve already said it once, and i’ll say it again-i miss. passion is so much of my life, and dance is that passion. i’ve danced a couple times this week, in my room, little releases of catharsis. i’m afraid of losing my strength and techinique, but it is essential i rest. i suppose it’s a sacrifice i’ll have to make. hopefully i’ll be back in class for halloween improv costume week!

i guess at this point, i’m just taking life as it is. dealing and living through each day as it is given to me. there seems to be no other way to. i feel that i have changed, with my own justifications. i hope it is in a good way, but i am also aware of the vitality of balance. it’s just about finding the tempo, the rhythm, and adapting as you go.

“i’ll be dancing with myself.”

all i really need right now is an empty dance studio.

sure, my back is in knots and pain,

but i need my art.

too much stress, i can’t handle as a teenager. i can handle it as a dancer.

let the stereo play my slow, classical ballet music, let my finish my plies in peace. let my toes stretch to tendus and allow my legs to lengthen with my degages.

people think ballet barre is boring, but it is often the prime of my day. not only being the center of ballet training and ability, it is undeniably beautiful and a place of safety.

i find a calm, a soothing melody in barre. and i love it.

i miss it.